Mike's Story Part 17: Fallout

By Jenna Orkin

   Back at FTW, another fire erupted:  Readers were placing product orders which could never, under the current administration, be fulfilled.  When Mike learned of the situation, he emailed those in charge that it could constitute fraud; they were to return whatever money had come in and freeze the sales portion of the site immediately.  (If I remember correctly, the same problem later arose with respect to subscription renewals.)

   A trusted friend and colleague offered to buy the site.  Mike thought this might prove to be a way out of what was devolving into an unworkable arrangement:

 

First of all let me say that it has become apparent to me that the chief obstacle to a way out of the current predicament, is me. I apologize to all for my outburst yesterday and B.´s depiction of me as an angry Panda was pretty appropriate although the bear looks better than I do. As a result of Carolyn Baker´s message to me yesterday, a couple of things have become clear. Once I accepted these facts a way out began to appear. I emphasize that I think there´s a way to get everyone paid, close up FTW and do so without leaving a mountain of debt and resentment. We might actuall make some money.

  TWO REALIZATIONS THAT MADE IT ALL CLEAR

 

 

 1. After nearly 30 years of fighting these intense fights I no longer have then energy, or the will, to continue to do what I have done. I have never doubted my judgement until yesterday. After 30 years I am burned out. Very soon, I will announce my permanent retirement from political and economic journalism. That opens all the necessary doors to the successful and equitable dissolution of FTW.

  2. [A friend/colleague] has sent some profound messages to me lately. I thank her for both her personal counsel and business smarts. But it is clear that she sees the same very real assets that I do. These assets have serious value and they can be sold in a proper way to pay off all of FTW´s debts (including credit cards) and get all employees all back-owed monies. As always I will wait at the end of the line.

  The basic plan is to turn as much over to [the friend/colleague] as possible, as she wants to structure it.

  ASSETS

 

  1. EMAIL SUBSCRIBER LIST '' This list CAN be sold to a consortium headed by [the friend/colleague] because all of our subscribers love her any way.That would never be viewed as a ale to a list company of the government. [The friend/colleague] would keep it as secure as I have. The way to do this is to make a public announcement of FTW´s closure and liquidation with an announcement of that sale and by giving subscribers 30 days to request that their information be removed from that list. Very few will ask for it. That alone is worth at least $50,000 but I will leave valuations to [the friend/colleague] since she does that better than anybody.

  2. The FTW ARCHIVES are also worth a lot of money. All of those could be purchased and I would relinquish copyright ownership of them to a group headed by [the friend/colleague] to satisfy debts.

  3. The copyrights to all FTW DVD´s also have great value. They go into the package.

  4. All of my FTW computer research files, 9 years worth, would go to [the friend/colleague]. There are more than 800 (est.) separate files here divided between Research and FTW business. The FTW bBsiness file are not accounting files but rather files on all pesons, corporations, media outlets and entities with which FTW has had inerraction or correspondence. these range from Alex Jones, to ASPO, to the Pentagon, to AIG, to hundreds of major and minor figures throughout our little universe, both good and bad. These also include the files on all previous emploees, writers, researchers and lecturers we have encountered.

  There are more than 400 research files loosely divided between pre 9/11 and post 9/11. There are more than 150 files on people alone. I am, after all, German.

  All of these files are a great intelligence and analytical research base and I know that [the friend/colleague] would use them to their fullest extent possible. Carolyn has copies and she can attest to what´s in them.

  5. Carolyn Baker and Mike Kane would be free to write for the new entity that would preserve a substantial portion of FTW´s legacy and make it useful to all of those who want and need t keep it alive. [The friend/colleague] might not be able to pay them as well as FTW did, but I know she will honor and treasure them as I have. Maybe even Stan Goff could get in later. We will all miss Jamey.

  POWER OF ATTORNEY

  I had already begun to have a new Power of Attorney drafted giving NY attorney, international lawyer and longtime close friend Ray Kohlman, full authority. It is apparent that Ken´s many other obligations will keep him from participating in this in a meanignful way but that does not spell the end of the world. This should actually relieve Joe. The rest of this message might want to make him at least ensure a smoother transition.

  DEBTS

  Under this plan I would be out of all future decision making over these these assets. I have no idea what our current debt status is because I´ve seen no financial statements and recieved no reports in three months. However, I would estimate that our total debt (including all back salaries, wages Ken´s royalties, Joe´s ees and credit cards), could not posibly exceed $70,000. The lease is a separate issue but I think it can be negotiated and settled.

  Clearly, and I pray that [the friend/colleague] will agree, we have a lot more value in assets than debts. Now the question is how to keep the office running long enough to pull it all together. MARION, what would really help me, [the friend/colleague], and Ray Kohlman enormously is an itemized statement of debts including credit cards that I used to finance FTW over the years. If I am going to walk away losing most of my equity then I need to walk away debt free.

  I am specifically authorizing MARION to give the friend/colleague anything shes asks for, hopefully understanding that [the friend/colleague] is someone who can help.

 

  I want to stress that should it become necessary for me to temporarily return to the states to execute all of this I will do so, regardless of the risk, but only after I have formally announced my retirement from public life. I cannot and will not leave all of you hanging in the lurch. I only wish that I had known how far things had gone south long ago. It was not until yesterday that someone finally told me that Marion was not even getting paid. We cannot undo the lack of information sharing until now, nor should we take time to condemn it. We must deal with things as they are today.

  IMMEDIATE

  From my limited knowledge of the financial situation my undestanding is that $5,000 would see us through the immediate crisis. With one single essay I can raise more than twice that amount easily provided that it goes up on the web site and the blog.

  What I need to know from [the friend/colleague] ASAP (before I write it) is whether she sees merit in these ideas and has any suggestions, directions or other requests. [The friend/colleague] can structure this transition with ease because that is exactly what she does. I would also need to know from Ray Kohlman whether he sees any impediments.

  All I need is a basic yes from both [the friend/colleague] and Ray and we´re on the way. Had I fully known and understood the true situation sooner it wouldn´t have gotten this far. But I want to emphasize that this is far from over and no one´s going to get financially screwed if I can help it. I founded and ran the company for almost nine years, taking it to peak earnings of just under $600,000 a year, and overcoming a multitude of obstacles other businesses never face. I have learned a thing or two and I am here now to use that experience.

  But, personally as a journalist and earth shaker, I am burned out beyond belief. The smashing of our computers took something out of me that will never come back. Things are looking up here in Venezuela with the government but it is starting to look like they want to create a Mike Ruppert here doing the same thing he has done for 30 years already, with the same energy, and even more dangerous risks. I think I need to give myself a choice here and I am.  I have done enough for one lifetime.

  So, I ask everyone to please accept my amends. I accept responsibility for leaving FTW the way I did, even though, on a hundred levels, it was absolutely necessary to leave when I did. Please accept my apologies for any personal insults made in retaliation. One of my favrite books contains a passage about self-will and the observation that sometimes we can become producers of confusion, rather than harmony. Mea culpa.

  FTW is me, was me. As I went into the confusion, soul-searching and change that marks all spiritual and personal evolutions it was obvious that FTW would have to mirror that confusion.

  The remainder of my amends will be amends of action rather than words. Please bear with me on a couple of things. I have a prgressively worsening cataract in my left eye that is impairing my vision and I have another unknown medial condtion that I don´t want to discuss via email. There is no free health care here for people who don´t have official status and that may take as long as year for me. As you all know, I am almost out of money but we all will make it. I´m quite sure of that now that I have some calrity.

  Please do whatever is necessary to protect my personal library, my research files, whatever remains of my photographs nd the Ruppert Family Trust.

  I will await your feedback and suggestions from anyone in the top addressee line.

  Mike********

Email to Mike 10-18-2006:

ok your nobility is scaring me a little. also the fucking unknown medical condition you don't want to discuss in email. before i make an asshole of myself commenting on what the vz gvt might want, i need more info. but it looks as though you're considering returning to the u.s. permanently, with the proviso you not write anymore???    

  ... we need to talk, in a RELAXED way. what do those calls cost? is that the problem? or that you don't want to be trackable?  i am so fucking clueless. i don't need answers to the logistical stuff but your email, well thought out as it is, has an 'in sound mind' quality that makes me think you might be in danger of throwing out the baby with the bath water.  [From personal experience years before, I'd concluded that suicidal ideation could result from the wish to extinguish one part of oneself that was causing distress.  But not knowing how to do that, one contemplated doing away with the whole.]

    got to go see a [young] woman in a wheelchair and oxygen mask who's one month away from getting evicted. [This was a patient with a crippling case of chemical sensitivity who'd been in a film by Alison Johnson in which I also spoke, regarding the enviro-disaster of 9/11.]  talk to u, email or otherwise, soon.

Email from Mike:  10-18-2006

 

Medical problem is cloudy urine coupled with chronic fatigue.

  I´m not sure I want to return to the US permanently. What contacts do we have in New Zealand?

  Will try to call u later.

  The Venezuelan thing is just for me to be Mike Ruppert. To lecture, give speeches, write, become public for the revolution. That´s both dangerous and exhausting when battling inherent Vz suspicious natures and the language barrier. I would be a sitting duck here for covert ops.

*****

Email to Mike: 10-18-2006  

   ...the [young] woman i just got back from seeing has been diagnosed with, among other things, 'hydrocarbon poisoning.'

   your email disposing of ftw's assets must have taken a lot out of you.  it had the ring of those post-burglary 'i'm throwing in the towel' articles...  

 

Email from Mike to friends and colleagues:   10-19-2006

                   

                    Apparently, the FTW stalwarts are refusing to let me retire and pull the plug. I am in control of nothing it seems. If you want to know what´s happening with me and FTW, wait five minutes.

Mike's Story Part 16: Honeypot(?)

By Jenna Orkin


   Meanwhile up north, FTW was wandering in the wilderness. Mike's account of the unraveling of the company may be found in By the Light of a Burning Bridge.  A key figure is an unnamed "female employee."  In the article, he presents a scenario in which he played along with her sexual provocations in order to make her "show her hand."  We won't stoop to any glib jokes about what else he might have wanted her to show.  He claimed to have been secretly taping her all the while.  Later, he would say that the tape was destroyed in the burglary.
    When he got to New York and talked about the case, he told me that there had, in fact, been no tape.  I don't know if he also revealed this to other people.  If the case was still on his mind, he might have, because he needed, as we all do, to be free, natural and honest with the people close to him.   
   The "missing tape" meme, he believed, would help him win the lawsuit for sexual harassment which the female employee brought against him.  Why this case meant so much is a matter for conjecture which is an otious waste of time.  For the case was marred from the get-go by her own "unclean hands" as legal lingo has it.  She was no pure, young thing who was traumatized by Mike's antics, however "inappropriate" for an office setting.  If this was not, technically, an example of entrapment - since Mike was so easily drawn in - it certainly was entrapment in some more ideal forum in a more just world.
   She did show him porn sites, as he was quick to tell me in his phone-call afterwards.  He responded with the enthusiasm of the protagonist in The Devil and Daniel Webster.  He did appear in the doorway of her office in his underwear.  When he showed me and his lawyer, Ray Kohlman, his stance - in profile - and added, "No erection," we decided it would be best to leave out that detail, if possible.   
   All this was more recklessness, to the point of self-destructiveness, on his part, given the context of a boss/employee relationship.  But the female employee, whether honeypot or not, gave him good reason to believe she wouldn't mind.
   In my experience, Mike respected lack of interest on the part of a woman.  (Of course, I wasn't twenty-five.) Once or twice when I was at the computer and he was getting undressed for a shower, he appeared in the doorway naked, with his fists clenched at his sides like a wrestler striking a tough pose.  This was during a period when he was recovering from his depression.  Probably he'd been looking at himself in the mirror and thinking, "Not bad!"  His naked posturing wasn't an invitation; psychologically at least, it revealed nothing beyond the wish to be admired.
    I believe that after Mike got his inheritance from his father, approximately $200,000, and paid the FTW staff and everyone else whom he or FTW owed, (as well as sending $1000 to an activist in need, remarking, "It felt so good to do that,") he spent $35,000 fighting the sexual harassment lawsuit.  It was a matter of honor which is odd, because the sort of behavior he'd been accused of was the sort he continued to engage in without guilt, since it was not uncommon for men of his generation and upbringing.  Though there's no question that he went too far in his response to the female employee's overtures, it's absurd to think his honor is affected by this case; it's a farce.
   This account will probably offend some people who are of the, "Don't speak ill of the dead, and particularly, of Mike," school of thought.  While it's true that historians bear a special burden because history is written by the winners, or at least, the survivors, in Mike's case, it's especially important to tell the whole truth, to the extent that one knows it.  First of all, if we don't do it, the enemy will.  To relay this story in context, as is the intent here, can serve as an inoculation against the sort of outlandish accusations which have been leveled against Mike in the past. This is a flesh and blood, warts-and-all portrait written in the belief that in the end, Mike and his transcendent  work and critically important ideas will prevail. He lost the lawsuit and everyone finally forgot about it.

Mike's Story Part 15: This Isn't Working

By Jenna Orkin

As so often happens with people who live dramatically as Mike did, his initial enthusiasm for the Cuban-style medical system of Venezuela quickly gave way to a realization of its limitations:

Email from Mike, undated:

Major difficulties with doctors today. No urologist available until january.  we´ll talk tonight. It feels like all is closing in.

Email from Mike, c. 10-30-2006

Aside from other symptoms I have paresthesia or tingling which is not good. [A friend in the US] hit some nails for me.

  We´re closing in on a diagnosis of adult onset diabetes but there are some other complications that [his friend in the US] called a cascading effect. I went back to the Cuban clinic at 10 AM. Just got home before 3 PM after nothing but waiting and travelling. Was sent to another clinic some distance and told to make an appointment with a urologist. After waiting till 2 I was told no urologist until January.

  I´ll go back to the Cuban doctor tomorrow and ask for help on blood sugar and pressure. The language difficulties are very tough as i don´t speak enough Spanish yet to be able to answer med history or symptom questions or to understand most directions. X, my friend here in Vz has been going with me but today i cut off going back to urologist or pursuing that because it´s just eating up too many lives and I sure feel like I´ve done enough of that lately.

  The diabetic symptoms (blood sugar crashes, low bp),  are known causals of major mood swings and they were appearing even b4 I left Ashland.

  I will be a non-smoker by the end of the week. Tapering off at direction of Cuban doc. Eliminating all refined sugar and most fruit. Going heavy veg. Anybody who knows me will understand that I must be sick to be doing that. Still very weak.

  VENEZUELA

  One of the new contacts here has really opened some doors. People at ministries of culture and education are talking about translating and publishing Rubicon through the Vz gov´t . The gov´t would give me 10%. New Society would be free to sue Chavez if they wanted. But this is Vz and things move slow.

  The package from Ken arrived today and i might be able to meet the Minsiter of Culture as soon as this weekend. 

  As for FTW, I just wish they could get the subscriber section fixed again. I realize how difficult it is for all.

  Am working on my Gauntlet story. Just passed 3,000 words but can´t push too hard. This one has to be right.

  End****************

Email from Mike undated: 

I am very sick. We don´t yet know the full causes. My blood pressure suddenly drops very low along with my blood sugar. My urine is extremely cloudy and smelly with calcium. Kidney stones have formed. My urinary tract is calcified and the prostate is enlarged and calcified. I have nearly collapsed several times and am very weak. Onset of adult diabetes is likely but there are other things we can´t explain. Poisoning has not been ruled out.

I sent Mike some google links concerning these symptoms and possible diagnoses.

Email from Mike 10-30-2006

I have all of these symptoms. I did not know the information about the seizures but that meshes perfectly. Have had four since January.

  The Cuban doctor is not first rate, except in attitude. It´s going to make people think she´s prescribing meds. etc. when she is not. That´s going to make people think she has given me dietary instructions when she has not. I am not getting any care at all right now. She´s a Gen Practitioner at an overcrowded clinic full of poor people. I am not getting first-rate care. I got basic tests and first aid, that´s it. [His friend in the US] has been a better doctor thus far. The Cuban doc hasn´t even mentioned diabetes when we all have seen that it´s obvious even if it doesn´t explain everything.

   I am very weak.

Mike's Story Part 14: Spinning Out of Control

By Jenna Orkin

   After leaving the US in rage, sealing the deal by writing his Burning Bridge article, Mike was forced to face the possibility that he'd made a mistake. Owning up to mistakes was not new to him.  AA had taught him that to do so was honorable so he apologized more frequently and fully than most people, whether for an editorial inaccuracy or an explosion of temper.

   But Venezuela was different.  He couldn't just slink back home with his tail between his legs, as anyone else might who was doing so out of public view.  He needed a  "valid" reason that his followers would accept.  (Actually, it was none of their business and being aware of that, they would have accepted anything.  It was his enemies who needed to be neutralized.  The prospect of their gleeful taunts in cyberspace was unacceptable.)

   One of his enormous gifts which should not be underestimated, much less belittled, was for PR.  Presidential candidate Ross Perot knew what he was doing when he hired Mike to manage his press campaign in LA.  Mike had an innate sense of how to spin a story; not lie, but simply present it as vividly as possible so the audience would be captivated.  This was the charisma factor and it's a large part of how he got as far as he did.  It wasn't just what he was saying (others may have borne the same message) but how he was saying it: Cutting to the heart of the issue; encompassing the length of world history and the breadth of world geography to reveal the contours of the big picture.  This is a vital ability if the average person is to understand your message.  A little P.T. Barnum helps the medicine go down.

   So when he complained of illness in Venezuela, I sensed this was to be the platform of his Mike-Ruppert-Returns campaign.  But it wouldn't be simple.  For Mike was like one of those people who don't allow themselves a vacation unless they're truly incapacitated.  Somehow they get into real accidents or have genuine breakdowns which allow them some respite.  (A friend of a friend said in wonderment, when she received a diagnosis of cancer, "I did this so I wouldn't have to move to Baltimore.")

   Thus, as usual, Mike was playing with fire - his health - driving himself to death’s door so he could leave Venezuela honorably.

Email to Mike undated:
 ...your foremost moral decision is to survive. aristotle  said the prerequisite to the good life is just life period ... the excellent is the enemy of the good... on airplanes they tell mothers to put the oxygen mask over your own mouth before you put one over your baby's. if your best (or even equal) shot at survival were the u.s., (i wish) and if someone made fun of you for it, fuck em. HAPPINESS PROMOTES LONG LIFE.   

Email to Mike undated:
   there's a bi-polar aspect to recent events, from chavez' potential new best friend to writer-in-self-imposed-strait-jacket-living-out-his-retirement-in-obscurity, a living-on-the-edge, 'the world loves me; it loves me not' aspect that's got to be wearing on the nerves. do you pace yourself? maybe that's what you're starting to do but i'm skeptical. it sounds more like balancing being on top of the world with being in the pits....  must it be the gold ring or nothing?

   But there was still another complication:  Evidence from his test results that he was being poisoned.

   [Note that the typos in the following emails are partly a result of his growing cataract.)

10-25-2006  Thanks to a referral from an well respected activist who served with Allende I got to a Cuban clinic today. What an amazing difference from US medicine. I was treated like a... human being. All tests done in one day but more are needed.    I will be filming a testimonial for Cuban film makers tomorrow... gladly. My friend Carlos and xxxx traded off babysitting for me all day. The kindness of the Cubans was just amazing. ¨You´re a human being? You´re sick?... Let us help.    Preliminary results:   Kindney stones in both kidneys. Not ready to pass yet.Heavy calcification of an enlarged prostate gland.Low blood pressure and hypoglycemia. (That´s right). I almost collapsed walking back from the clinic to the doc´s office. Heavy blood toxicity from known and unknown sources. There´s a lot of toxic backup from the calcification that may have affected a lot of things throughout my body.Elavated cholesterol and triglicerides.   I will be referred to a urologist tomorrow for discussion about how to treat the stones. (Please God, I have already had third degree burns and peritonitis. Can I miss passing kidney stones?) We still have to do a chest X Ray.    All treatment and prescriptions will be free of charge and an appointment for the worsening cataract. This is medcicine as it should  have always been. I start a massive cleansing and detox program with prescriptions and natural remedies. No cost.    I may be almost extinct in the US but I guess I am about to be famous in Cuba. Go figure.   The doc said, you have not been well for a while. We can see this.   Am saving all the paerwork for the day whenI write a story about it. Hopefully on FTW... 

10-27-2006   I am writing these detailed updates because I want an historical record, just in case.

Today didn´t go that well. Carlos took me to Bolivarian Univeristy for a chest x-ray. On the supercrowded morning subway my camera was stolen out of my backpack. I´ll live.

   After a not too long walk, maybe 3/4 mile to the clinic I nearly collapsed again. Walked thru the doors sweating like a stuck pig and it wasn´t that hot. The docs gave me 2 liters of dextrose IV for very low blood pressure (90/65) and put me on oxygen. They wouldn´t let me move for two hours. That threw everything else off. The chest X'-Ray showed some damage from smoking (I have had little else to do here) and I have agreed to taper off and quit. the Cuban doc says not to go cold turkey.

   Carlos Ruiz, my roomi and great angel is photographing my visits to clinics and some of the great Cuban medicos.

   There´s also something else wrong with my blood and they want more tests on Monday. There´s some kind of chemical thing they cannot identify. Only Ray Kohlman will remember the infamous ¨chemical toxicity of unknown etiology¨ from the Al Carone case. Too soon to tell. -- Search for that phrase onthe web site if interested. [A well-informed friend] has confirmed my burundanga experience and given me some much needed grounding there.

   I have a writing assignment for a prestigious local magazine.

   I will spend the weekend working on that, 

several things for FTW and resting.  

Mike's autobiography states: "I was poisoned twice. Once with a native drug called burundanga, the root drug of scopolamine and also – according to an intelligence source – with a form of methyl mercury, which was causing all of my glandular and lymph systems to shut down."

Mike's Story Part 13: Amateur Shrink Gone Wild

By Jenna Orkin

   If cities had the equivalent of national pastimes, New York's would be psychotherapy.  While no match for Woody Allen, I've put in my share of time in therapists' offices and been grateful for what one or two of them had to offer; (the others ranged from indifferent to dishonest to insane themselves.)  A well-known side-effect of such therapy is an eagerness to put one's newly acquired knowledge to use with, or on, friends, acquaintances and anyone else who asks.
   Mike was fertile ground for this amateur "shrinkage," as a friend who's an actual Clinical Psychologist pronounces it, with an ironic French accent.  He was both beset by problems and unfamiliar with the M.O. of psychotherapy which meant he did not consider the observations offered to be cliches.  In addition, his loneliness rendered him more open to any lifeline that presented itself.
   With this in mind, I responded lightly to his burundanga confession: 

"2 hail maries. if you don't know the words, you're surrounded by people who do, albeit in spanish."

   And when he wrote about watching with more than passing interest the TV program in which Socrates was forced to drink hemlock because he threw people's bullshit in their faces:

would you stop the fuck please thinking about fucking hemlock for fux sake?  the reason you got into that mess is that you're leading a life of extremes; like a kid who was overly disciplined, reaches adolescence and goes fukkin berserk. you've been leading an overly disciplined daily life, beyond the monastic. at least monks have other monks to commune with. i'm told even the silent ones are acutely aware of' each other and communicate with looks - like characters in a silent movie, i suppose.  [Actually, silent monks find other ways to communicate; it is they who invented the tactile manual sign language which the reknowned Annie Sullivan used to teach blind and deaf Helen Keller to communicate.]

your berserk adolescence was the night with the floozies or whatever they're called these days.  (putana?)... 

it must seem as though whatever pleasure you seek, you get punished for. there's also a whole self-punishment element to this...



Indeed.  If he couldn't go out via a hero's death, next best was la nostalgie de la boue, yearning for the "mud," the urge to debase oneself.  And what better way to do that than via women?

I pointed out the link between the two women at the bar who presumably drugged him (a South American doctor says that in order to avoid exposure themselves, women can transmit the drug by wearing patches or adding it to their nail polish) and Lindsay, the ex-employee who had filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Mike, which she would later win.

I remembered when [the female employee] had first been hired.  Mike was excited about this graduate with a Masters' Degree and a 3.9+ average who spent her weekends rock-climbing.  She had it all!  Within weeks, the twenty-five-year-old was given her own byline and was included in meetings among the most trusted staff members - those dedicated scribes who sometimes stayed at the office after hours.

It was during one such evening that Mike and the female employee kicked back, sharing personal stories which led to the female employee's showing Mike a porn site.  Mike thought it terrific.

When he relayed this drama on the phone as it unfolded (in large part to show me his enthusiasms lay elsewhere, lest I get any false ideas,) the phrase, "sexual harassment lawsuit" wafted through my mind.  But he was in no mood to listen to such scolding so I held my peace.  (Mike's and the female employee's clashing versions of these events, incidentally, have been a matter of public record for a number of years.)

When I brought up the female employee in the email to Venezuela, he responded:

I understood what you meant when you wondered about my stated attraction for [the female employee.]  [I had not wondered anything; my memory of his phone-calls from that period remained intact.]  It was purely physical, but I think it was also a product of having loved women who abused me [he mentioned two.] I wasn not attracted to her intellectually [Yes he was, but no guy, at least, is going to condemn him for taking this tack] and certainly not emotionally.  It was like Dracula´s victims were usually drawn to him. I was a moth fighting a light intent on destroying it (and others) and resisting my own attraction at the same time. 

Got it?
Smooch

Mike's Story Part 12: Blogreaders Weigh In

By Jenna Orkin

   News of Mike's flight to Venezuela had become public in August, with Carolyn Baker's description of the days leading up to his departure.  That, along with Michael Kane's account of the same period, makes interesting reading in light of Mike's final exit on April 13 of this year.

Since the blog had been assuming a greater role as FTW contracted, finally freezing into an archive site, a deluge of comments rushed in:

Some bore the telltale marks of disinformation.  Just as when the computers were smashed, the blog was besieged with messages that attempted to deflect the conversation away from FTW and towards the purported harassment of another "activist" whom FTW followers don't even mention by name, when Mike left the country, "news" flooded in about a journalist from a Neo-Nazi website who'd supposedly also, coincidentally at the same time, had to go into hiding.

I allowed some of this spam through: first, because the blog at that time aspired to be a forum for a broad spectrum of opinions:  second, because I'd posted a prominent disclaimer in anticipation of such an onslaught, to the effect that publication of comments should not be construed as endorsement etc; finally, to show we weren't afraid of them.  These days, I'd be more Draconian.  But in any case, the chaff was outweighed by expressions of genuine dismay:

All I can say is Wow! I am sorry it had to happen the way it happen, but I am very happy for you to be moving on and having the intestinal fortitude to do what needed to be done... Give em Hell... but find some peace. Howlin_Dog.

...I have to admit, that I am bummed... FreeAcre

  A salute from a follower with the eye-catching handle, "Allbetsroff."

 My husband and I have been following you and FTW for many years........... In our 2 hour commute home from work we would always read a printout from FTW and discuss the various issues presented.I think it's safe to say we love you... Mary Brown

c....... I couldn't help but cry when I read your latest messages...  I had this odd feeling... not even knowing all that FTW had been through, somehow I just knew [Oregon] was temporary. I guess it's all temporary. Anyway now I'm just bawling!...  Mrs. P

My only regret is... that I wasn't in your large suitcase. casecore

 To alleviate his growing despondency, I forwarded the messages to Mike who was heartened, writing, "It´s kind of like the final scene in Miracle on 34th when the mail bags come in."  His isolation and Herculean efforts were finally bearing the fruit of appreciation. He responded via the blog:

...I wish I could tell you all more about what my life is like here at the moment but I just can´t for reasons that maybe someday I´ll be able to ´splain to you.    These are terrible times for the planet and I fear they are going to get worse. Right now I am in something of an unavoidable limbo that seems to have no end. But it will, I´m sure. I mean, who the Hell am I to say, I´m 55 and have been through enough. I don´t need no more freaking evolutions. As always, my arms are too short to box with God."   The word '' 'splain" was an allusion to Ricky Rodriguez in the I Love Lucy show, the pre-eminent sitcom of the 1950's.  Mike had used the term at least once before, in his article, "Lucy, You Gotta Lotta 'Splainin' To Do," essential reading for anyone interested in the red flags known to the US government in the months leading up to September 11, concerning an attack on the World Trade Center.   
   The outpouring of support allowed him to admit a desire he'd been suppressing, perhaps in the belief that it would jinx his chances of achieving asylum status:  He wanted to come home.

 

Mike's Story Part 11: Apprentice Devils

By Jenna Orkin

   The reason Mike felt impelled to confess the burundanga episode had to do with an event that had taken place back home.

   FTW subscribers used to get news updates on a daily basis, if memory serves.  One afternoon we opened the email to find a long account, supposedly from Mike, describing his life in Caracas as one of debauchery - drinking, whoring and blowing money which had been raised from those same subscribers after the computers were smashed and FTW's fate hung in the balance.  (This chronology, too, is drawn from memory and may be inaccurate in some details.  But it is widely known that subscribers or, in later years, Facebook friends, donated funds when Mike or the site was in trouble.  Given the nature of the work, these financial difficulties were inevitable rather than the result of any incompetence.  See this email written by Mike though it's stored on a site that is hostile to him, concerning the FBI's seizure of his bank account.)

   The bizarre email, which appeared to have been sent from the usual FTW address, was skillfully written in Mike's style.  However, veteran subscribers recognized it as a hoax. Newcomers were more inclined to find it alarming, as the sender intended.  Beyond that, no one knew what to make of it.  FTW and the blog were besieged with inquiries, all variations on the theme of, "WTF?"

   Mike knew that the credit card expenses he'd run up the night of his burundanga exposure, as well as the ATM withdrawals, would eventually have made their way to FTW headquarters.  He also knew he'd offended some employees, even physically pushing one of them.  He surmised that someone was getting back at him by playing a humiliating joke, showing him who was actually in charge. 

   His coming-clean email (the real one) written in AA tradition to his closest circle was in effort to keep FTW from falling apart.  He'd left it in the hands of capable people but you can't hand over a company after a two week transition, no matter how thorough, and expect it to continue running as it did when you were overseeing it.  The staff you've left it to don't have the same investment.  They're doing a job; the company is not their baby.
   Mike had to tell the whole story in order to prove that while his foray into the underworld of burundanga was not his finest moment, it was also far from the sleaze that the fake email was smearing him with.  His explanation was offered as a figurative bowed head, in order to hold onto those few friends he still trusted and bring the ones he'd angered back into the fold.
   (After FTW closed up shop for good as an active site - though the archives remain online - other high jinx took place which undoubtedly originated with weightier enemies than the bogus email:  For a while, clicking on certain links led not to FTW articles but to WING-TV,
   This was the website of Victor Thorn, aka Scott Makufka.  One of Mike's nemeses during the heyday of FTW, Thorn is the author of such masterworks as Occult 9-11; JFK and UFO; and Hillary (And Bill:) The Sex Volume and The Holocaust Hoax Exposed.
   Mike's suspicion that Victor Thorn had been tasked by the government with being a thorn in Mike's side may have proven justified.  As soon as FTW closed for good, so did WING-TV.  Their last show aired in November, 2006.)